This Thursday, I’m thinking about what the fuck happened to
Disney. What a tragedy.
I mean, regardless of whether or not Walt Disney was a racist, the
point is that Disney movies changed my childhood. And not in a weird, subliminally
damaging, my-daddy-is-my-only-friend kind of way. In a serious,
my-life-would-not-be-the-same-without-them kind of way.
My favorite classic
Disney movie?
Aladdin.
Second is The Little Mermaid.
Third is Beauty and the
Beast.
You can argue for The Lion King and Mulan all you want, but they just
didn’t cut it for me.
So, the point of all this rambling is that like most of you, I got
to the age where I started hearing all kinds of negative buzz about Disney
movies. You know, that kid in your fifth grade class who was all, hey did you
see those tits in The Rescuers? Or did you see that erect penis on the original
The Little Mermaid VHS box cover? Or did you know that the stars in the sky in
The Lion King spell out SEX?
And let me just say, I found all that shit pretty ridiculous. To
have something I loved tainted so carelessly…I was gonna get to the bottom of
it. So I turned to the Internet, of course.
And what did I learn?
That some people have way too much fucking
time on their hands.
I watched a seven minute slideshow of all the times the word SEX
appears in The Lion King and Pocahontas, and it was just some random idiot
pointing out every time the blades of grass cross in a way that could possibly
be trying to spell the word. Seriously. Get a fucking life.
However, there were a few things that had some truth to them. And
here they are:
In The Little Mermaid, the priest on the boat at the end appears
to have a boner:
Also, check out that castle on the VHS case:
And those tits:
And this is just for fun:
And last, but certainly not least, the controversy on Aladdin.
Apparently he says “Take off your clothes” when he is on the balcony with
Jasmine. Here’s the clip:
I know. What?
Also, in addition to rumors like these, there are all kinds of
myths about Disney movies that probably aren’t true, but are fun to consider
anyway.
Like
for instance, that Aladdin is actually set in the future. How could that be? Well,
there's a scene in the movie where Genie calls Aladdin's clothes "so 3rd
century." However, as we all know, the Genie was locked inside the lamp
for the past 10,000 years, meaning that there is no way he could have known
what the 3rd century was like…UNLESS Aladdin actually takes place in the
FUTURE, in at least 10,300 AD. The movie itself is set in a post-apocalyptic
wasteland, one where only some Arabic culture has survived. The things called
"magic" are actually just some of the technological marvels left
behind by the previous civilization. (Flying carpets, genetically engineered
parrots, etc.). Crazy, right?!
Despite
all the bullshit, though, classic Disney movies are fucking sweet. Always have
been, always will be!
I wonder what kind of subliminal messages Dip-TV will slip into their projects....
Follow us on Facebook and maybe we'll clue you in!
Man,
this Throwback Thursday has gotten me thinking about old times. When shit was
better. When a penis on the cover of a dvd case was a Disney Scandal, not
leaked pictures of Miley Cyrus naked. :(
SO, What’s
your favorite Disney classic?
(Anything made post-millennium doesn’t count,
sorry. Anybody who calls Finding Nemo a classic has a mental illness.)
Let
me know what you love!
Seeya next week!
<3 DELLA
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